When Grief and Joy Walk Hand in Hand
Over the past few months, my heart has been stretched in two seemingly opposite directions.
In the space of a few short weeks, I found myself holding a close family member as she said goodbye to her beloved Mum—her constant, her comfort, her friend. A woman who was my age. The grief was heavy. The loss tangible.
And at the very same time, I stood in awe as my own daughter, after some years of waiting and hoping, experienced the joy of a dream engagement proposal. Her smile lit up the room. Her heart overflowing with excitement and love. The moment was pure, precious, and everything she had dreamed of.
Two moments. Side by side. Joy and grief came almost hand in hand.
And it got me reflecting…
How do we hold space for two such powerful, opposing emotions?
How does the human heart stretch wide enough to carry both sorrow and celebration at once?
One image has stayed with me: grief and joy are like train tracks.
They run parallel.
They don’t always meet, but they travel together.
This metaphor beautifully captures what many of us experience in life: joy and grief aren’t opposites that cancel each other out. They coexist. One doesn’t erase the other. They move side by side.
This is the tension of being fully human.
The Science Behind Emotional Coexistence
Research in the field of positive psychology and emotional regulation tells us that the human brain can experience multiple, even contradictory, emotions at once. This is called emotional granularity—the ability to distinguish and feel a variety of emotions simultaneously.
According to Dr. Susan David, psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, when we give ourselves permission to feel our emotions fully and honestly, we develop greater resilience and emotional intelligence. Suppressing one emotion to focus on another can lead to internal stress but allowing both to coexist can support mental wellbeing.
So, if you’ve ever laughed through tears or felt overwhelming gratitude during a moment of loss—you’re not broken. You’re human. And you’re doing it right.
What I’ve learned—and am still learning—is that it’s okay to feel it all. To not rush through the sadness or dim the brightness of the joy just because sorrow is close by. Both are valid. Both deserve space.
Here’s what I’m learning—and gently practicing:
- Acknowledge the paradox.
It’s okay to feel joy and grief at the same time. Give yourself permission not to “fix” your feelings. Let both ride the tracks beside each other without guilt.
- Name what you feel.
Try saying out loud or journaling, “I feel excited and heartbroken,” or “I’m deeply grateful and incredibly sad.” Naming your emotions helps you process and integrate them more healthily.
- Give yourself emotional space.
Some days you’ll feel the pull of one track more than the other. That’s okay. Don’t judge yourself for being swept up in laughter—or needing space to cry. Honour what your heart needs that day.
- Find small rituals to ground you.
This could be taking a walk, lighting a candle, journaling, sitting quietly with a cup of tea, or talking to someone who simply listens without trying to fix things. These gentle rhythms help you stay centred.
- Hold space for others too.
When someone else is walking this path of joy and sorrow, meet them with presence—not answers. A quiet “I’m with you in this” often means more than we realise.
As you read this, maybe you too are in a season of mixed emotions. Maybe you’re navigating joy and sadness at the same time. If so, I see you. I honour the tenderness of your heart. May you feel comforted by the reminder that both can co-exist, and you don’t have to choose just one.
Let’s be women who live deeply, love honestly, and hold space for the full spectrum of what it means to be alive.
With love and gentleness
Kerryn x
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